I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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