and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
