so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
