there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
