puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize