i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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