You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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