I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
