are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm too high and old for this...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
