I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
