I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
