You really coming over, don't trick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
