I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
