I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
