Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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