It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Alive.
So much puke
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
