my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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