I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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