i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
