I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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