I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
