Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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