I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I believe in your delicious
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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