have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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