If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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