Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
