New low: just hacked my moms facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
