Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
