i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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