I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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