my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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