my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
