Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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