i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize