I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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