Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
