I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
