Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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