after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
