Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
