you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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