I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize