oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She needs sedatives and a leash
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
