remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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