there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
