Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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