so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
