ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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