I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
