Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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