So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
