i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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