hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
