if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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