just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday