Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed

  (+44): View more from England

  keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction

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  (+44): if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed (+44): keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction http://tfl.nu/lbnu
  Replies (18) Good night (4473) Bad night (462)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake

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  (203): the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake http://tfl.nu/cxtf
  Replies (67) Good night (2918) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous

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  (630): Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me (1-630): It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous http://tfl.nu/qwdq
  Replies (9) Good night (570) Bad night (2323)
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  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

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  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (216) Good night (33615) Bad night (2240)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.

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  (813): Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed. http://tfl.nu/pp8v
  Replies (44) Good night (911) Bad night (5185) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.

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  (203): Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art. http://tfl.nu/xn8o
  Replies (11) Good night (3794) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie

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  (805): the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie http://tfl.nu/n8tx
  Replies (20) Good night (6268) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

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  (480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it. http://tfl.nu/wob5
  Replies (11) Good night (8263) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

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  (603): So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged http://tfl.nu/t25x
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.

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  (803): Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization. http://tfl.nu/ap11
  Replies (13) Good night (801) Bad night (2918) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned

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  (207): making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned http://tfl.nu/s1xm
  Replies (4) Good night (714) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup

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  (248): Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier? (1-248): Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup http://tfl.nu/318d
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She really is something else.

  (713): View more from Texas

  Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.

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  (281): She really is something else. (713): Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away. http://tfl.nu/3f56
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (328)
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  (650): View more from California

  Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah

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  (650): Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah http://tfl.nu/cx0s
  Replies (2) Good night (279) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.

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  (+27): Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything. http://tfl.nu/71ow
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (167)

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