my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat