he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
