well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
