He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize