Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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