Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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