I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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