Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
