I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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