we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
