If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
