Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
