what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
